you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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