yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize