she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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