so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
