dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
