I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
