Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Randomize
