i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and she was petting her beer can
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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