Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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