This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jerry, you need to find god
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
