The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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