i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
