you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
