Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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