Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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