He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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