You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
