some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
