Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
