I can text with my tongue
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
