Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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