I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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