I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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