I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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