i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
