You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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