If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Say something about gay babies.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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