im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
