He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
