I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
