6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
