Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
