mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
