The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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