Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
