the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
