Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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