there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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