God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
