yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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