I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
