I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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