Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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