why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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