And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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