so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
