If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
