Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
