Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
