i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
