just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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