I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
