I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
