Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
