if you like me you must not know who I am
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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